The Unnamed Must be Named

Having observed an alarming phenomenon on more than one occasion in the past week, I come to the conclusion that it must be given a name; if for no other purpose than to alert the public. I am speaking of a terrifying force which shall hereafter be known as Ludicrous Stupidity.


Like earthquakes, stupidity is measured in orders of magnitude. The highest, previously known level of stupidity was Hyper Stupidity. Hence, Ludicrous Stupidity is Hyper Stupidity squared.


Stupidity is interesting in that it has nothing to do with IQ. It is normally considered to be a label given to someone after they exhibit multiple lapses in judgment. The very fact these lapses occur in an otherwise average human being is a defining factor of stupidity.

An action driven by spontaneity, curiosity, or desire for fun should not be labeled as stupid…unless of course it fails in such an epic manner that a viral YouTube audience declares it stupid.  


So then, how would Ludicrous Stupidity be described? Whereas stupidity defies logic, Ludicrous Stupidity goes the extra mile. It taunts and bullies logic, finally throwing it to the ground and beating it within an inch of its life, and sending it to the Intensive Care Unit of the Hospital where it will experience a long and painful recovery.


What are the symptoms of Ludicrous Stupidity? Those affected by Ludicrous Stupidity suffer from glazed over eyes, slack jaw, and full blown catatonia. They possess a brain stem incapable of multi-tasking involuntary body functions. This makes the slack jaw affect particularly dangerous, for should the sufferer begin to drool, they would likely stop breathing and die.


Why is Ludicrous Stupidity so dangerous? Those suffering from Ludicrous Stupidity can, by way of interaction, inflict incredible frustration upon the unwary. The intensity of this frustration can be so intense that one should avoid the almost involuntary action known as a face palm as they may actually pull their face off.


Also, it has been theorized that the power of Ludicrous Stupidity is so strong; it may even now be sucking black holes into its maw. As a final point of warning, someone has dared suggest there may be another order of magnitude above Ludicrous Stupidity known as Hyper-Ludicrous Stupidity. This theoretical force (may it ever be so) is suspected of being so intense it would cause the entire universe to suck itself inside out; which would be profoundly stupid.

But that goes without saying.

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1 Response to The Unnamed Must be Named

  1. What about Dark Hyper-Ludicrous Stupidity, it’s the way unfunny variety.

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